Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
