Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
