Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
