he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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