i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
