i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
