just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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