Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
