apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
