Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize