Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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