there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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