Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize