We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
