don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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