please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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