youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
