Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
