Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im holly from the hills drunk
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
