Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
