he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
