Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
