Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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