I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
