I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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