Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
