a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
