like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
