Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
