Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
