Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
