I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
