Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
