K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
