In the future we'll all be gay
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
