I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
