Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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