he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
