i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
is wine microwaveable?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
