so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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