i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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