you traded sex for a burrito?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to align my fucking chakras
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
