I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
