I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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