Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
