i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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