Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
