Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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