What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
