Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
