My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
