It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
