these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
