It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
