either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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