Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
