dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
