i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
