He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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