I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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