I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
