you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
