i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
