Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize