my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
