found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
