Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
love makes seman taste better
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize