theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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