Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
