There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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