when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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